have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
