your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
