i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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