so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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