when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
