drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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