Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
