We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
