You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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