his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
