it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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