Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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