I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
