Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
