i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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