i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
