Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
