proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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