like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
only you would photoshop your dick
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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