I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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