it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
