how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
