you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Alive.
So much puke
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
