Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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