somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
