yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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