i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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