Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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