I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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