To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
