Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
