I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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