it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
