You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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