Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
