i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
