Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize