Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
