Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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