a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
