I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
