Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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