Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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