I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
