You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
