She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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