He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
