p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize