Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
