Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
