I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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