I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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