just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
