It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
