That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
