The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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