I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
