Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize