Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think my moral compass just broke
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