matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sex in a hospital.. check
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
