one two three fourrrrnication!
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
