He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
