I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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