Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
