anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
