You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize