I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
