We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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