At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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