So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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