Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My pussy is not your playground.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
