I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
