My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
