Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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