Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize