So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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