i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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