Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
