we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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