Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
