jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
