I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
