don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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