I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
