I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
These tits shall not be calmed
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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