it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
