I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
