My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My balls are so social today.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
