Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
