I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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