I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
